A [frugal] Jew's guide to Christmas Day.

I hate to perpetuate any stereotype--and I'm fully aware that Jews have a bum rap for being...how to put this nicely...well, frugal--but this member of the tribe is really and truly low on funds this holiday season. And in an ironic twist, I also happen to love Christmas. Hannukah--I can take it or leave it. Yom Kippur--I'm not going a whole day without food for anything, let alone repentance. But the bright lights, pine-scented trees, and fat, gray-haired, red-suited men of Christmas--this secular Jew will celebrate that any day of the year (well, namely just on December 25th).

This year, however, I'll be stuck in So Cal on Christmas Day--loved ones far away and nary a penny to spend on festivities.

So, here's how I'll be celebrating the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

• Cleaning. Cleaning is free. It is fun. It should take up at least 2.5 hours of my day. Which is a start.
• McDonald's. Did you know that Mickey D's is open on Christmas Day? Well, it is. At least the one in K-Town. Hopefully the checker-playing, elderly Korean men of the neighborhood will be out in full force. Because I will talk to them. And I will join in their checkers game. And I will lead them in Christmas songs. You know I'll do it.
• Movies. No, not the in-theatre kind. The rent 'em at Ralph's from the big vending machine for $1 / day kind.
• Wine. Can you say Two Buck Chuck anyone? Sure you can--just try it.

And if all else fails, I will find out where you are celebrating Christmas. And I will crash.

The [un]official Etiquette Guide to the holiday party season.

Holiday party season has officially sprung upon Los Angeles. And my calendar's become so inundated with holiday party invites that it may die a slow and painful death of good cheer and mistletoe poisoning. Now, I'm equally at fault for the scheduling overload--I hosted my own holiday party last night--but my own mistakes quickly aside, I'd love to offer some etiquette tips for those participating in holiday festivities this season.

1. Compile a holiday wish list. No one wants to guess what you want. If you're into Hanna Montana--sure I'll judge you [and perhaps suggest counseling]--I'd rather get you the weird shit you want than present you with a [far more appropriate] gift you'll scoff at. You can view my very own wish list here (hint, hint).

2. Bring something to the party. You've been invited to those 15 parties (or maybe just that one depending on how [un]popular you are). And you can't show up empty handed. If you do, your host is put in the awkward position of having to pretend he or she is still glad you came. Believe me. He or she is not. For host gifts, I suggest a nice bottle of wine, something for the kitchen, or strippers depending on the nature of the party.

3. Don't bring stupid people. The dynamic of a party is all about its guests. If you've been invited to bring a guest, bring a good one. Guests who no one wants at the party include, but are not limited to, your little, underage sister (okay, some of the guys may actually be stoked she's there, but no--this is still not okay), your recently released convict pen pal, and the lonely and creepy mall Santa.

4. Don't make it all religious and stuff. The key to most holiday parties are that they're for everyone. Catholics attend Hannukah parties. Jews go to Christmas parties. And so on and so forth. So keep the religious stuff light, especially if the soiree's a 'holiday' party and you're not sure about the religious leanings of your host. Items not to bring include: crosses, menorahs, bibles. Safe items include: mistletoe, reindeer-shaped chocolates, board games and practical jokes.

Note: above is the 'holiday' tree that someone brought over for me recently. Note that though it looks like a 'Chrsitmas' tree, there is chocolate surrounding it. And chocolate makes everything secular.

Happy holidays everyone!

xo * Jessie B. R.

Shop: All I want for the secular holidays is...

It's almost Thanksgiving. Which means it's almost the holidays. Now, were I still a practicing Jew, I might reap the benefits of the 8 glorious days of Hannukah. I don't remember the full story of the oil and the lights and all that hullabaloo. But I do remember the 8 consecutive nights of gift receiving from my childhood. And I miss those days. As it stands now, holiday time doesn't signify much more than a few days off and an overload of wreaths in public places.

Well, I want to bring the gifts back. Friends, family, fans [and maybe Santa?]--please behold my holiday wish list...because a secular girl can still be a material girl.

Gifts to satisfy Yours Truly...or whoever's on your shopping list...

Perfect pictures. You know how the pictures on this blog are often just a little bit off? The lighting seems poor or the resolution just plain sucks? That's because I'm shooting with a 3 year old point and shoot. Or worse yet--occasionally my flash-less Blackberry. The number one item on my wishlist this year? A Nikon D60.

Deliver it raw. I want to be healthy. I do, I do, I do. But my dinners usually consist of boxed foods and flavor packets. Santa Monica's Rawvolution has just the solution for my cooking woes: The Box. Weekly delivered meals include 'Nut Loaf with BBQ Sauce' and a 'Mock Turkey Sandwich.' And yes, those do sound good to me.


Enlighten me. Reading Vanity Fair makes me feel one step closer to the well-dressed, well-read and well-cultured. Cause if you can't beat 'em...and you can't join 'em...read about 'em. A subscription would offer me 12 months of highfalutin culture via VF's glossy pages.



Sophisticated patterns. Plaid is in this season...again. But looking like a hipster in an oversized plaid button down is not for me. Instead, I'd rather don Topshop's super cute Dress Coat and fill both my trend quotient and my desperate need for warmer garments.


Delicate drinking. Is anything cuter than drinking out of animal shaped glassware. No. Decidedly, no. These Animal Head Shot Glasses at MollaSpace are just the thing to get your friends completely wasted in absolute style and grace.*

* The 'grace' part only applies until words start slurring.


Affordable art. I am out of room on the walls of my studio and I am also--I'll admit it--out of money in the bank for new art. Blood is the New Black offers affordable pieces from your favorite artists. They also kill two birds with one stylish stone. The pieces are wearable tee shirts, you lucky art fans. I like this tee by one of my fave LA artistas, Kime Buzzelli.

Responsible reading. Author Jonathan Safran Foer (Everything is Illuminated) has tackled new subject matter with Eating Animals, a chronicling of his year investigation into meat eating. I'm already a vegeterian, yes. But I'm always in need of new fodder for the veg fire.


Do good. While I don't agree with the 'give at the holidays' mentality--I don't think generosity should be limited to Jesus' birthday--I can't argue with giving. And I encourage you to give the gift of giving to your pals. JustGive.org and Kiva.org are two great organizations that help do the good work for you.

N.B. - Hannukah begins at sundown on December 11th this year. And since I'm closer to Jewish than anything else, you better hit those stores soon my friends. Or, in light of my secular stance, I suppose I can accept your gifts at any point.

This is where produce comes to die.

I have never cooked. Nor have I ever claimed a desire to learn to cook. But, occasionally, it would be nice to have the skill set necessary to prepare something simple for consumption and sustenance. I lack this skill set.

4 nights ago, I came home for a quick 15 minutes between work and [other] work. In an attempt to feed myself, I decided on toast. Without a toaster, the oven would have to do. Within minutes the kitchen had filled with smoke. A few minutes later, my entire studio was a dark, toxic fire hazard. I couldn't see the mirror in front of me, let alone breathe. The cause of the near wipe out of my entire building? The last time I'd used my oven (a few months ago) had been to melt the remaining wax out of a candle. Needless to say, my apartment still smells like Hannukah.

Tonight, I cleaned out my produce drawer to find this...

Apparently, I've begun to grow a garden in my onion.

And these...well supposedly these were baby carrots in a past life. At least according to the bag. I don't believe it...

Sincerely yours and obviously better off with take-out,
Jessie B. R.

The holidays inspire the tourist in me.

There's nothing like the holidays--the loud music, the flurry of sparkle everywhere, the visiting family that needs entertaining hour after hour after hour--to inspire the tourist in everyone...even me.

In the last week, I have gone to a menorah lighting at Glendale's Americana at Brand, where we listened to Klezmer tunes, ignored the Rabbi's speech, and joined several 4 year olds in crafting Star of Davids [during which time we were asked multiple times by the staff if we 'needed any help,' leading me to believe that they thought we were 'retarded'].

The ceremony was all performed next to a gigantic Christmas tree, proving that though the Jews might run LA, until the Chabad learns to dress up the menorah with thousands of watts of power, Christmas still runs December.

Christmas Eve was enjoyed, in part, at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, attempting to watch the annual Holiday Celebration from the 5th story of an immensely steep theatre. While just darling in concept, the 20th choir to go on stage got a little old as I strained to see the tops of their tiny heads from the length of a football field away.

Christmas day was spent driving around looking for things to do in between the showers. Such activities involved a walk up Rodeo Drive [where there was no shortage of European tourists puffing smoke into their children's finely accented faces], a tour of Beverly Hills' government buildings (see City Hall below), and taking the 'scenic route' down Mulholland Drive (an activity which grew treacherous as I attempted to return home along the windy streets of Coldwater Canyon) in pouring rain.

And then what tourist jaunt would be complete without a walk through the Huntington Botanical Gardens of Pasadena. I leave you with a few pictures of our journey across more cacti plants than you could (or should) ever wish to know.



Photo Credits: Jessie B. R.

Happy early Hanukkah from Jessie B. R. and the state of Texas.

I didn't realize there were Jews in the South...or anywhere between LA and New York for that matter. But according to this video, not only are there Jews in Texas, but they sing country. While I'm no News 8 broadcaster, it looks as though this particular Jew, Mark Rubin, also enjoys his fair share of potato pancakes.

I'm sure we'll all want to note that this musical moment was brought to us by Don's Grass & Landscaping.

Happy early Hannukah,
Jessie B. Rubin and my fellow Jews of Austin