Los Angeles is the greatest city that's not a city in this country. And as a non-city it's got the crappiest public transportation system known to traveling man. So I drive. And I drive. And I drive.
And these are the things I do in the car. They're wrong. They're unsafe. Some are unethical. But I do them. You'd be lying if you said you didn't do at least one of them too.
- I text. I don't just text quick answers back to friends. I text notes to myself. I set calendar appointments. I write down ideas for my future memoir.
- I put on makeup. In the end, everyone's a little better off if I've got concealer on so this one's almost acceptable. But listen--sometimes I've got to put on a full face. And a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
- I close the windows when I'm listening to bad music...that I like.
- I open the windows when cute boys roll by...and quickly change the station from Top 40 to KCRW.
- I run yellows.
- I curse.
- I sometimes change lanes without signaling.
- I daydream about someday driving a station wagon with kids in the back.
- I occasionally drive with my knee.
- I talk to myself while pretending to talk into my phone.
- I stop--every once in a while--at a fast food drive through.
- I park between 2 larger vehicles. And nap.
- I pray not to hit small children.
- I marvel at the sunny skies and palm tree-lined roads.