Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Life in clubLAnd: What’s wrong with Hollywood.

There are numerous things wrong with Hollywood. I mean, the list is endless. Some areas are still dirty. Others are too clean and touristy. The traffic is bad. Grown men dressed as costumed cartoon characters will assault you on the street. And for God’s sake, the Scientologists have got to be stopped.

But this party flyer basically takes all the hobos and the addicts and the paparazzi and makes them seem like characters out of Pleasantville. Cause this—this, people—is what’s really wrong with Hollywood.


No. 1 – Who the f++k is Gemini and why should I care? In case you wondered the same thing, it turns out that Gemini Pop Diva is a ‘young aspiring singer of ethnic background.’ Well, those are her words. My words would more likely come in the form of advice to put on some decent clothes and wipe that awful tranny makeup off her face.

No. 2 – The press release accompanying this flyer tells us that “Jason Wahler is a former Mtv The Hills & Laguna Beach Star as well as ex-boyfriend to Lauren Conrad….People normally confuse him with Actor Colin Farrell since they both look alike and share the same Irish heritage.” I’d like to remind Jason’s publicist that a) people who appear in reality television shows are not ‘stars.’ They are people. Who openly humiliate themselves on national TV. b) Being someone’s ex boyfriend is not a feat. It is just over. And c) Some people think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis. So what?

No. 3 – Being David Hasselhoff’s ex-wife and the mother of his children does not make one interesting. Being convicted of a hit and run makes you even more un-interesting. In fact, it makes you a terrible human being, not a candidate for club-night host.

And that, friends, is what's happening in clubLAnd this week. And what is so terribly wrong with Hollywood.

4 comments:

Hadar said...

love it. any oh my god. sometimes we see shit like this in nyc but not often. wow..

very funny hunny bunny :)

h

TsTsTs said...

i couldn't agree more.

Cameron Cash said...

Awesome post! Thanks Jess!

Mary/Mearii said...

Amen.