Earth Day. Let’s fix this sh*thole up.

Happy Earth Day everyone! In honor of our planet--and it being the only on we can live on and all--here are my 10 tips for cleaning up the sh*thole we’ve let the place become.

1. Recycle your paper. Those flirty emails from your boyfriend that you printed when you first starting dating? He dumped you already. Chuck the evidence. And recycle all your old porn while you’re at it too.

2. Turn off the lights when you leave your house. I know your mother taught you this was a good idea so burglars would think you were home. But you and I both know that no one wants to steal your crap.

3. Use less toilet paper. I know with certainty that many of you are TP offenders. None of your parts are that delicate. You do not need half the roll to wipe.

4. Take the stairs. Your office is 5 flights up? Well, let’s be honest—your gluts could use the workout and that elevator could use the rest.

5. Hug a tree. No, don’t really please. Plant one with Forest Aid. Or pay someone else to plant one for you.

6. Stop buying leather bondage gear. And other leather goods. I know—they’re soft and supple. But they’re not eco (or animal) friendly.

7. Reduce your water consumption. I’m not suggesting you stop showering. No, no—none of us would want that. Just don’t shower for soooo long. It will help the water drought AND will save neighbors extra minutes of hearing you sing Les Mis in the bathroom.

8. Use a re-usable tote at the store. You’ve probably been given a hundred free ones by now. Stop using them for dirty laundry and start taking them to the bloody grocery store.

9. Don’t have 20 kids. I know babies make you happy. They make me happy too. But you don’t need that 20^th one. Seriously. I’m talking to you, Octo-Mom.

10. Utilize public transportation. Public can be frightening, especially here in LA. But no one told you to start dating that chick who lived all the way across town. And the mileage is putting a serious damper on the ozone.

* Feel free to ‘recycle’ these tips for green living with your not-so-green friends. Even your pals who hate granola and think organic is for dirty hippies can start to clean up their act.

xo * Jessie B. R.

Snuggie. Out to get me.

Several weeks ago, I gave in to the craze. I bought a pair of matching Snuggies online. Several weeks later, the winter already waning along with my need for them, they have still not arrived. Throughout the process the Snuggie brand has assaulted my trust and led me down the path of misdirection more than once.

1. Am I the only person who thought the Snuggie was a full-fledged sleeping bag meets onesie apparatus? Finding out it was merely a blanket with arms was like learning about death all over again.

2. After all these many days of anticipation, my product still not in hand, I consulted the UPS tracking. Apparently, the folks at Snuggie confused my shipping and billing addresses. My package of Snuggies has been in UPS limbo for more than a week and no one had informed me.

3. I called the Snuggie automated hotline. The female voice, perky and peppy in the face of my shipping woes, nearly drove me to tears before I found the way to a number for live help.

4. The Snuggie live ‘help’ proved no help at all when she gave me the 1-800 number for a porn hotline instead of UPS.

5. The second Snuggie live ‘help’ offered me the number for USPCS instead of UPS.

6. The third Snuggie live ‘help’ gave me the correct number for UPS, but apparently the UPS automated system is as trying to get through as the Unemployment hotline.

So, nearing the end of February my Snuggies have still not arrived. Lesson learned. By next year, I will either order a heated blanket or move to an apartment building with proper heating.

Signing off—cold and Snuggie-less,
Jessie B. R.

Even the porn industry takes a hit.

Apparently, even sex and porn are not immune from the economy's recent nosedive. BizBash reports today that Playboy will be suspending its annual Super Bowl party this year. The article quotes a Playboy representative as saying "we didn’t want to compromise the integrity of our event." Integrity. Hmmmm. Really makes you think.

This news closely follows the plea by Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis and Hustler's Larry Flynt for a porn bailout. For, as Flynt put it, "it's time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America."

Well, folks--there you've got it. The people have spoken. The sex addicts and porn junkies are hurting. They are hurt and they are outraged! Can we, as a people, sit by and watch this happen? Well...yes, yes--I think so.

[BB: Playboy nixes Super Bowl Party]
[Huffington Post: Porn Bailout]

Photo Credit: BizBash