Snuggie. Out to get me.

Several weeks ago, I gave in to the craze. I bought a pair of matching Snuggies online. Several weeks later, the winter already waning along with my need for them, they have still not arrived. Throughout the process the Snuggie brand has assaulted my trust and led me down the path of misdirection more than once.

1. Am I the only person who thought the Snuggie was a full-fledged sleeping bag meets onesie apparatus? Finding out it was merely a blanket with arms was like learning about death all over again.

2. After all these many days of anticipation, my product still not in hand, I consulted the UPS tracking. Apparently, the folks at Snuggie confused my shipping and billing addresses. My package of Snuggies has been in UPS limbo for more than a week and no one had informed me.

3. I called the Snuggie automated hotline. The female voice, perky and peppy in the face of my shipping woes, nearly drove me to tears before I found the way to a number for live help.

4. The Snuggie live ‘help’ proved no help at all when she gave me the 1-800 number for a porn hotline instead of UPS.

5. The second Snuggie live ‘help’ offered me the number for USPCS instead of UPS.

6. The third Snuggie live ‘help’ gave me the correct number for UPS, but apparently the UPS automated system is as trying to get through as the Unemployment hotline.

So, nearing the end of February my Snuggies have still not arrived. Lesson learned. By next year, I will either order a heated blanket or move to an apartment building with proper heating.

Signing off—cold and Snuggie-less,
Jessie B. R.