The colors of the Silverlake Farmers' Market

The Silverlake Farmers' Market on Saturday afternoon.

Life in clubLAnd: Crocker Club, Cole's, The Varnish

Two nights ago had me in a whirlwind tour through some of Downtown LA’s newest bars. And I should start by saying…wow, I haven’t been that drunk in a while.

We began the night at Crocker Club, the converted bank building where—according to their website, the sign on their door, and the security—they take their dress code policy very seriously. No ‘white tennis shoes,’ no beanies (oh, the horror!!), and apparently no leniency even if the hoodie’s cashmere or the wearer of it, stylish and chic. Verdict: Cocktails are strong. This will be easier to swallow when the bar menu starts in a month (according to our handsome bartender). Dress code—lose it puh-lease.

Next we headed to grab a bite at Cole’s, the supposed ‘Originator of the French Dip.’ What is French Dip you ask? Funny, I asked too. Apparently, it’s a short menu of great-sounding sandwich-cum-meat juice items that I can’t eat. The vegetarian special at Cole’s? Grilled Cheese. I’m in.

Our bartender at Cole’s could be the last bartender in Los Angeles and I’d feel ok about it. From his thorough explanation of drink options, to his dutiful search on his Sidekick (do those still work?), to his substitution of my first so-so drink for this awesome one with muddled raspberries (I just like to say the word muddled!), he rocked.

Last, we took a quick walk through Cole’s to the back door where we entered The Varnish, the new bar from NY bar legend Sasha Petraske (Milk & Honey), Cedd Moses (owner of Cole’s and nearly everything else in Downtown LA) and Eric Alperin (who I’m sure is someone equally important).

Though The Varnish has already been infiltrated by a few folks with cheap bags, trucker hats and button downs, the vibe, for the most part, has somehow remained intact in this small bar that occupies the back room of Coles, mixes drinks to a tee and employs bar staff dressed like this...

It's all about the snazzy mixology at The Varnish...

Though by the time I made it back here, I stuck with a snazzy NON-alcoholic ginger drink. Impressive.

Commercials that move me: Liberty Mutual

I'm not really sure what Liberty Mutual Insurance is selling--but this commercial nearly brought me to tears a few nights ago. Ok, it did. It did bring me to tears--and whatever they're selling...I'll take some.

Design Dish: New Balance for Nine West. Really?

Who doesn’t love advertiser messaging from their beloved editorial newsletters? Urban Daddy pushing energy drinks? Daily Candy selling me diet powders? Well, occasionally, one of these news sources’ dedicated blasts is worth blasting. Today’s Who What Wear sales pitch announced a new fashion marriage: New Balance and Nine West. Interesting style collab!

Some of the sneaks are cute…

Some of the sneaks are…um…not so cute…

But what I really love? The logo!

The NY Times. Arrogant and bullyish, but not invincible.

It's not kind to feel joy at the suffering of others. But sometimes, just sometimes, it's ok to smirk a little at the misfortune of others, no?? Especially if they're bullies?

It turns out that the NY Times, who just recently took stabs at the LA Times in a public ad campaign (as reported by LA Observed), is not doing so hot themselves.

From this morning's WWD Memo Pad (yes, a fashion trade is my morning news source--what of it?)...

TIMES RAISES FUNDS: The New York Times Co. has entered into a sale-leaseback transaction with W.P. Carey & Co. LLC for $225 million for part of the space the Times Co. owns in its headquarters building on Eighth Avenue, including 21 floors, or 750,000 rentable square feet. The money will be used to pay long-term debt and a portion will be used to fund a redemption payment of its 4.5 percent notes due in 2010. The company also recently borrowed $250 million from Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim Helú and is trying to sell its stake in the Boston Red Sox. The lease term is 15 years, with an option for the company to repurchase the condominium interest for $250 million during the 10th year of the lease. The rental payment will be $24 million, or $32 a square foot, for the first year and increase in the coming years. — A.W.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Stand proud, LA Times. We are not alone!

[WWD Memo Pad: Times Raises Funds]
[LA Observed: NYT hits 'em while they're down]

M83 takes to the Walt Disney Concert Hall, LA Phil in tow.

On Saturday night M83 took to the stage with the LA Philharmonic at the Walt Disney Concert Hall. If you’re not familiar with M83 (and I was not), it’s electronic music—sometimes gloomy, sometimes dancey. If you’re not familiar with the Walt Disney Concert Hall, it’s the big, Frank Gehry-designed metal flower on Grand Avenue in Downtown.

Not knowing music, and certainly not knowing M83, here are my thoughts on Saturday night’s performance…

* I tried to take a picture of the hall. I was quickly instructed by an eager, young usher that flash photography was not permitted. I asked if I could turn my flash off. He said no, all photography was prohibited. Um, get it straight usher kid! You’ve now proven yourself a liar. And me a sad, photo-less guest. Which is a real lose-lose situation.

* I went to the bathroom and took this picture in defiance. Take that Frank Gehry and your team of snot-nosed ushers!

* M83 is essentially Anthony Gonzales in front of multiple machines with flashing lights (no Kanye West reference implied).

* The music made me think of ecstasy.

* I wonder how many people in the audience were on ecstasy.

* I wonder if Anthony Gonzales was on ecstasy.

* Anthony Gonzales gyrated with those flashing machines like I only do in my bathroom when no one’s watching and the radio’s on really loud. Hmmm, maybe he was on ecstasy.

* Adrien Grenier was there. If Adrien Grenier likes M83, maybe I shouldn’t like M83??

* When M83 left the stage after Part 1 and the LA Phil, led by conductor Julian Kuerti, came on, I am pretty sure I heard someone shout ‘yay, real music!’ This is some ignorant sh+t. Even I know that.

* Here is a video of the last song of the evening, which was my favorite. Apparently someone managed to sneak a recording device past the nazi ushers. Enjoy.

Life in Los Angeles: women washing cars.

I went to work out in Silverlake this morning and I noticed these women across the street energetically waving signs around advertising 'Car Wash.'

I was surprised to see what I thought were Orthodox Jewish women engaging in a car wash promotion. A) It is Saturday, the Sabbath. B) Orthodox Jewish women just generally don't do things like this. Trust me.

Then I looked up to realize these industrious women were standing in front of the Iglesia Central, something I think--from my time in LA--is a religious Latino thing.

Either way, I felt a bit odd about the prospect of driving up to a car wash where religious women--Hassidic, Catholic, or otherwise--in long skirts and modest wears, would be scrubbing down my car [which is, coincidentally, very, very dirty].

I'd feel better about girls like the below washing my car. They're already demeaning themselves so I don't need to feel guilty about it.

People who take themselves too seriously debate: Vanity Fair -- sexy or sexist?

I just found this amazing picture on WomenAndHollywood.com. She thinks it’s awful. I think it’s friggin phenomenal.

It makes fun of the 2006 Vanity Fair (cover sporting Tom Ford with Hollywood beauties Scarlett Johannson and Keira Knightley.

She thinks that cover was sexist. I think it was pretty rad. Can a picture that features two vastly different female forms and a gay guy all getting cozy together really be that offensive?

[Women & Hollywood – Sexist Alert: Vanity Fair Comedians]
[Gawker – The Vanity Fair Cover: Hey, Who Invited Tom Ford]

Food Find: Mastro's, Johnny Rockets and Jer Ne at the Ritz.

From five stars to french fries and back. A weekend's adventure in overeating...

Saturday afternoon—about 3:00 p
Johnny Rockets on Melrose

A friend and I dove into this ‘50s themed burger and malt chain for some ice cream. About 10 minutes into our visit, the staff broke into song and dance. I am still not convinced (despite the below picture) that I was not hallucinating.

Saturday night—9:00 p
Mastro’s in Beverly Hills

Scott and I headed to the famed Beverly Hills steakhouse to celebrate his birthday. Supposedly the steak is great there. Scott’s was overcooked and I don’t eat meat so I guess we’ll never know. I would give 4 and a half stars to the gorgonzola mac and cheese (pictured below), however.

While the staff at Mastro’s don’t sing, nor dance, they do whip their own cream. Perfect for cake…or other things.

Sunday afternoon—12:00 p
Jer Ne @ The Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey

For birthday celebration Part Deux we tried out the Ritz Carlton Marina Del Rey's brunch at Jer Ne. View: peachy. Breakfast: pretty good. Desserts (all 5 of them): f-ing phenomenal.

In an effort to burn off some of the weekend’s calories, we took a walk through the Marina Del Rey Parcourse, courtesy of 1975.

I don’t think my walk along the 10 inch high balance beam completely negated the weekend’s edibles, but I do feel a little bit better about the leftovers consumed Sunday evening—7 pm.

Laugh o'the Day

For today's laugh o'the day, I present you with lyrics from Soulja Boy's latest hit, Kiss Me Through The Phone. Yes, really, that is the name of the song. Damn you Indie 103.1 for leaving us with a quality music void and 97.1 for not only abandoning us as well, but allowing yet another Top 40 station into your place. I never should have heard this song...

Soulja Boy Kiss Me Through The Phone, Featuring Sammie Lyrics

[Chorus: Sammie]
Baby you know that I miss you
I wanna get with you
Tonight but I can not baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me through the phone
Kiss me through the phone(I'll see ya later on later on)
Kiss me through the phone kiss me through the phone(see ya when I get home)

[Verse 1: Soulja Boy]
Baby I know that u like me
Your my future wifey
Soulja boy tell em yeah
You can be my Bonny
I can be your Clyde
You can be my wife
Text me call me I need you in my life
Ya all day everyday I need ya
And every time I see ya my feelings get deeper
I miss ya I miss ya I really wanna kiss ya but I can't

[Sammie:]
678 triple 9 8212

[Chorus:]
Baby you know that I miss you
I wanna get with you
Tonight but I can not baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me through the phone
Kiss me through the phone(I'll see ya later on)
Kiss me through the phone kiss me through the phone(see ya when I get home)

[Verse 2: Soulja Boy]
Baby I've been thinking lately
So much about you
Everything about you
I like it I love it
Kissing you in public
Thinking nothing of it
Roses by the dozens
Talking on the phone
Baby your so sexy
Your voice is so lovely
I love your complexion
I miss ya [x3]
I really wanna kiss ya but I can't

[Sammie]
678 triple 9 8212

[Chorus:]
Baby you know that I miss you
I wanna get with you
Tonight but I can not baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me through the phone
Kiss me through the phone(I'll see ya later on)
Kiss me through the phone kiss me through the phone(see ya when I get home)

[Soulja Boy:]
She call my phone like (da)[x20]
We on the phone like (da)[x20]
We taking pics like (da)[x20]
She dial my numba like (da)[x20]

[Sammie]
6 7 8 triple 9 8 2 1 2

[Chorus:]
Baby you know that I miss you
I wanna get with you
Tonight but I can not baby girl and that's the issue
Girl you know I miss you
I just wanna kiss you
But I can't right now
So baby kiss me through the phone
Kiss me through the phone(I'll see ya later on)
Kiss me through the pnone kiss me through the phone(see ya when I get home)

[Kiss Me Thru The Phone Lyrics on www.lyricsmania.com]

Life in clubLAnd: H.wood

When you're no longer surprised to see girls in tutus, DJs in pom-poms and grown men sporting arts and crafts, have you been in LA too long or just long enough?

Last night, my good pals--Dina and Elana--and I braved a night on the town. We stopped by H.wood [formerly (and briefly) Stork Lounge, even more formerly who knows what at the back of Hollywood & Highland]. If entering a posh club through a shopping mall seems strange...it is. Though once inside the venue's gate, I felt part of a dark, loungey atmosphere--well, going in and out, all I could think of was how great it would be to find an open Wetzel's Pretzels.

Last night's party, hosted by Posso the DJ (one half pictured below), celebrated the birthday of Daisy O'Dell and claimed inspiration from the Dada movement. Ok, we'll buy it.

Beside seeing some long lost LA cohorts (Rich Royal, Foundtrack's V, half the staff from Chateau Marmont, etcetera, etcetera), some of the evening's visual highlights included crafting...

Girls in leotards (thank you Elana for posing so I could discreetly get this shot)...

Balloon monkeys...

And the Carl's Junior fries picked up on the way home.

Also of note was the Crayola chalk on display as part of H.wood's free-spirited cirque theme. I am so sorry to the Hollywood & Highland staff for any damages I may [or may not] have done on the way out. Again...there are dangers to placing a club inside the mall.

Snuggie. Out to get me.

Several weeks ago, I gave in to the craze. I bought a pair of matching Snuggies online. Several weeks later, the winter already waning along with my need for them, they have still not arrived. Throughout the process the Snuggie brand has assaulted my trust and led me down the path of misdirection more than once.

1. Am I the only person who thought the Snuggie was a full-fledged sleeping bag meets onesie apparatus? Finding out it was merely a blanket with arms was like learning about death all over again.

2. After all these many days of anticipation, my product still not in hand, I consulted the UPS tracking. Apparently, the folks at Snuggie confused my shipping and billing addresses. My package of Snuggies has been in UPS limbo for more than a week and no one had informed me.

3. I called the Snuggie automated hotline. The female voice, perky and peppy in the face of my shipping woes, nearly drove me to tears before I found the way to a number for live help.

4. The Snuggie live ‘help’ proved no help at all when she gave me the 1-800 number for a porn hotline instead of UPS.

5. The second Snuggie live ‘help’ offered me the number for USPCS instead of UPS.

6. The third Snuggie live ‘help’ gave me the correct number for UPS, but apparently the UPS automated system is as trying to get through as the Unemployment hotline.

So, nearing the end of February my Snuggies have still not arrived. Lesson learned. By next year, I will either order a heated blanket or move to an apartment building with proper heating.

Signing off—cold and Snuggie-less,
Jessie B. R.

This is where produce comes to die.

I have never cooked. Nor have I ever claimed a desire to learn to cook. But, occasionally, it would be nice to have the skill set necessary to prepare something simple for consumption and sustenance. I lack this skill set.

4 nights ago, I came home for a quick 15 minutes between work and [other] work. In an attempt to feed myself, I decided on toast. Without a toaster, the oven would have to do. Within minutes the kitchen had filled with smoke. A few minutes later, my entire studio was a dark, toxic fire hazard. I couldn't see the mirror in front of me, let alone breathe. The cause of the near wipe out of my entire building? The last time I'd used my oven (a few months ago) had been to melt the remaining wax out of a candle. Needless to say, my apartment still smells like Hannukah.

Tonight, I cleaned out my produce drawer to find this...

Apparently, I've begun to grow a garden in my onion.

And these...well supposedly these were baby carrots in a past life. At least according to the bag. I don't believe it...

Sincerely yours and obviously better off with take-out,
Jessie B. R.

Xs & Os: A downtown LA adventure in cheap nuptial bliss.

In the last couple of months, everything has suddenly become too expensive. People are cutting back on everything, and rightfully so.

I've even heard of couples cancelling weddings because of budgetary restraints. Well, happy couples--money shouldn't be an obstacle when it comes to publicly announcing your love. Instead of taking out payday loans in order to pay for the 7 layer wedding cake, consider a cheaper and  more, um, colorful option...

 In a lunchtime walk yesterday around my building in Downtown LA, I came across a strip of Broadway (between 2nd and 4th), in which you can literally complete your entire wedding day extravanza, from shopping, to grooming, to the reception.

Brides: within just a couple of blocks, you'll be sure to find the dress that's right for you...

And for your bridal party...

Grooms: The block has got a resident barber shop...conveniently housed within a knife store...
The Guadalupe Wedding Chapel provides a unique and cultural backdrop for your romantic ceremony. They also offer income tax services, perfect for early spring nuptials...

Nothing will please your guests' fine-tuned palates like a banquet of chicken and the fixings. This particular El Pollo Loco has got a touch of regality in its exterior detailing--a perfect choice for your reception hall...

For these budget wedding tips, what do I ask? Just an invite to the happy couple's big day!

xx * Jessie B. R.

The RSVP Line: The Travel & Adventure Show. Because you are so desperately alone on Valentine's Day.

Maybe you're completely and hopelessly single with nothing at all to do on Valentine's Day but stay home alone, wallowing in your very deep despair and terribly tragic self-pity. Or perhaps you're coupled, but dating someone who's thought of nothing romantic to do this weekend, save his presentation of a plastic-wrapped box of Whitman's chocolate. Well, either way, it sounds like you're an excellent candidate for Travel & Adventure Show attendance! Hosted by the Los Angeles Times, the show will feature aisles and aisles [and aisles] of cities, countries and travel-related businesses to browse through. (I am available to accompany you on any trips, assuming my travel is paid for.)

More important to you, there will be a zip-line, rock-climbing, a dive pool (yes, there are wetsuits), a surf simulator, segways, and other fun [and slightly dangerous] activities.

And then there's the Culinary Stage, which I am uber excited for. Chef Evan Kleiman, owner/chef of Angeli Caffe will be demoing and sampling her Ricotta Beet Gnochetti. I tasted these last week during dineLA. And they are pretty f-ing good. Then there will be the other samples that you and your meat-eating friends can try in my stead.

Hope to see you this weekend folks.

Kisses and Valentine's Day hugs,
Jessie B. R.

Photo Credit: Falling Creek.com

What will they think of next? Camel Crush Cigarettes

My friend introduced me today to a wonky new invention from RJ Reynolds, the evil mastermind behind some of America's favorite cigarette brands. As a non-smoker, I suppose I've fallen behind in the tobacco industry's exciting new product launches, as Camel Crush is apparently not new. It's brand spanking new to me however and let me just say 'wow.' I didn't think that smokers were looking for innovaton in their ciagarettes--I assumed that for the truly addicted, the nicotine was the catch. But for the smoker who likes a little gadget action with his blackening lung, Camel Crush offers the 'ooh' and 'ah' factor he's seeking. The filter houses a tiny ball, containing menthol on demand. When you're ready to turn your stick to spearmint, you just crush (hence the name) the end of your fag.

I personally think mint belongs in toothpaste and chewing gum, but for those who like to include mint everywhere that it does not belong (i.e. - chocolate, ice cream and cigarettes), I suppose Camel Crush is a little slice of do-it-yourself minty heaven. Menthol smokers, rejoice.

P.S. In trying to find out more about Camel Crush, I visited the Camel website. This site has better security than LAX. Not wanting to give my real information, I made up a name and address. Camel actually verifies its users' information and was quickly on to me. I could not enter the fortress that is Camel Online.

Photo Credit: CS News

A cabash on kiddies.

While I’m all for women’s rights and the right to choose, I do think we should have restrictions over who gets those rights. If this seems undemocratic…suck it. We live in America, not Pleasantville. And some chicks need to put a cabash on the baby-making.

Top 10 types of women who should NOT be allowed to bear children…

1. Nadya Suleman
2. Crackheads
3. Nadya Suleman
4. Baby-eaters
5. Women who’ve already born 5 + children (Nadya Suleman)
6. Women already receiving welfare for their first 5+ children (Nadya Suleman)
7. Women who describe their desire to have children as a ‘fixation’ (Nadya Suleman)
8. Women who need government funding to feed their children but obviously have money for plastic surgery (Nadya Suleman…I think)
9. Violent women
10. Nadya Suleman

[FOX News: Octuplets' Mom On Welfare, Spokesman Confirms]

Wow, Chris Brown, wow.

Just heard about Chris Brown's arrest during E!'s red carpet Grammy coverage.

Couldn't you have curbed your assault and battery urges til after the show, Chris?! And beating on a woman? C'mon--that's just lame. You're lame, Chris Brown. Lame.

[EW.com: Chris Brown sought in connection with felony battery]

Life in clubLAnd: The Woods, Renee's Courtyard Cafe

I don't do Saturday nights anymore. Making my venture out last night to see my visiting friend J a rather large shock to the system. Things I learned along the way...

1. I didn't realize so many people still went out on the weekends.

2. That their skirts had gotten so grossly short.

3. We should all be on high alert for the thief who stole Santa Monica's style.

After dinner at Chan Dara (where I would highly recommend the Pad Se Ew and highly distrust the waitress' promise of 'mild'), we began our adventures at The Woods, the strip mall-housed bar, designed to look like, duh, the woods, and called a 'dive bar' despite the obvious design efforts and lounge appeal.


Well, in truth, we really began at Mashti Malone's Ice Cream next door in the shopping center. We skipped the house specialty, the rosewater ice cream, for straight up cream and fudge. Not a bad choice.

Next up, we traveled to Santa Monica's Renee's Courtyard Cafe. To my friends who warned me (Elana--you tried!)...I never should have doubted you. The room full of dusty old dolls, meant to evoke the kitschy and creepy, paled in frightfulness next to the horror of what appeared to be a full-on college party. Couples making out against the walls, gaggles of girls and groups of guys and beer and rain a mess on the floor. I had sudden urges to down kamakazi shots, smoke cigarettes while swapping spit with strangers in the corner, and wake up in my own vomit--just like the good old college days. Well, no--my first instinct was actually to propel myself out of there.


I never fail to see a different side of the city when friends are in town. And while I'm sure J is now frightened of ever returning to LA's nightlife scene after last night's sampling, I hope she'll return. So I can show her the safest place to spend a Saturday night...at home.

White women and their love of Africa.

In the last couple of days, I've been struck by a few white women who are very confident in their relationship to black, or African, culture. I hold judgement...for the most part.

Exhibit A: The white, female handler of a very famous R&B singer asking what time he really had to be on-site because she was dealing on 'black central time.' I believe there was also a reference to 'black playschool.' As the lone white girl amongst the event's front of house staff, I obviously had to wait for permission to laugh at this. After receiving confirmation from my black coworker at the table, I smiled. I am still not sure if I am hugely offended or wildly amused.

Exhibit B: Lauren Hutton 'Africa' eyeglasses. In the optometrist's office yesterday, I came upon this collection of eyewear [right next to Sophia Loren's--really?]. I understand Lauren loves her some travel and philanthropy, but c'mon now--Africa? Eyeglasses? What's the connection? Do Africans have an affinity for unattractive designer spectacles?