Shop: There is no godly excuse for TubeFlops.

I was in Santa Barbara this week. And while I'll get to all the amazing parts of that trip in a later post, I need to get the worst part of the adventure off my chest. In an outdoorsy store on State Street--you know, the type of shop that sells hiking shoes and godawful tie-dye yoga pants and straw hats with detachable water bottles--I came across TubeFlops, or what may otherwise be described as the most offensive shoe to ever enter my line of vision.

TubeFlops are, as the name might imply [if you're the type who appreciates cutesy contractions like Brangelina and Cockapoo], part tube sock, part flip flop. And they are awful. The only possible explanation for their purchase is if you are dying for a pedicure in a cold-weather climate. To which I'd suggest you skip the foot grooming before stepping into these monstrosities.

Colors & Kookiness at LACMA

Last night I went to LACMA for its free live Jazz Fridays. Snooky Young was on stage before a packed house. But between the filled rows of seats, the cameras flashing, and the museum's security fascists, it was hard to see the stage. So I gave up trying and walked the grounds with Snooky's jazz sounds in the background.

Despite the end of summer upon us, the courtyard and lawn of LACMA are still in full, colorful bloom with public art installations, brightly hued sculptures and strangely sheared visitors.




(Mom never knew that I was used as a skate...And that is why my nose is scraped.)

Multiple reasons to hate the mall. At the holidays and all year round.

The mall, more specifically the Beverly Center, is pretty bad on a daily basis. Amongst the reasons I'm not a fan:

The headless mannequins (pictured left).

The more 'mature' ladies in the shoe department shopping for inappropriately high heels. Parading around in mini skirts and asking their friends, 'do these look alright on me?' Well no, deary, they don't! Perhaps we'd all be better off if you'd visit the orthopedic shoe store on level one and ask your tailor to add 10 inches back to that skirt.

The couples who hold hands on the escalators making it impossible to pass by.

And the countless employees in the department stores asking if I'd like to 'try the best cologne in the world.' No, I've already stocked up on my Jessica Simpson scent for 2009, thank you.

But during the holidays, the place becomes--simply put--unbearable. I entered the Beverly Center yesterday to find this picture of holiday unholiness (pictured left) outside of Macy's. That's right. One of Santa's stilettoed sluts wearing next to nothing chatting up little children. Imagine--this little boy will grow up to think it's ok to sit in a nearly naked lady's lap and ask her for 'presents.' Would you let your child talk with this lady? (If the answer is yes, it's probably best not to tell me.)

Worst of all, a young lady had a baby chihuahua on the floor of the crowded mall. A. You are not supposed to have young puppies out and about. B. If something's smaller than a purse and not attached to a body, I may just step on it. C. She let it pee on the floor! Seriously!? Just because it's cute, doesn't mean I want to step in it's urine while I'm on my way to Bloomingdale's.

Looking for a more tolerable shopping experience this holiday season? I suggest taking the trip to the Brentwood Country Mart. It's quaint, it's outdoors and it smells like the Amish Country. And rich people. And most impressively, it's got Los Angeles' only City Bakery, serving the best hot chocolate there is.



Best of luck on your shopping experiences this December.

Holiday cheers,
Jessie