More customer service woes. Today's offender: PayPal.

The folks on the phone aren't really that awful at the country's biggest payment portal. It's this online message that made me feel a little like punching a hole through my computer screen...

And I quote--"My name's Sarah. I am not a real person..." Really, Sarah? Well, I hope for your sake that 'fake' people are not sensitive, cause you just made me super, super pissed off. For 'real.'

Customer service at Best Buy. A dramatic [but not exaggerated] reinterpretation.

Best Buy: You've reached Best Buy West Hollywood. What?

Customer: I'd like to order an air conditioner unit. I am hot. And I have cash. This should be simple, yes?

BB: It should be. But you called Best Buy. Let me just place you on hold for an indefinite amount of time while I go ask my manager how I can best service you. I'll be back in a few moments with what will likely be incorrect information.

5 minutes, 47 seconds, and 26 repetitions of the same piano melody later...

BB: Let's go ahead and schedule that installation for you. The next few days will go like this. We'll set up a time that doesn't exactly work for you. The morning of, once you've already cleared an obscenely large window of time for us, we'll call you to tell you we're not coming. Because we've made a mistake. We do that often. You'll angrily call the customer service line. They'll ask you if you're calling about a delivery. You'll say 'well, if you can call it that.' We'll say 'oops--we can't find your order.' And we'll tell you someone will call you back in the morning.

Customer: Great.

BB: Not so fast. We'll tell you that someone will call you back in the morning. But no one will. Cause that's how we roll.

Customer: Oh.

BB: You'll have to call us back. You'll be pissed. We'll have some sweet woman in consumer relations who you just can't stay mad at calm you down. You'll want to cancel your order and show us who's boss. But there's nowhere left in Los Angeles that will actually install an appliance for you as our competition's all gone out of business. So you'll huff. And you'll puff. And you'll agree to reschedule.

Custmer: I think I understand.

BB: Excellent. I didn't understand a thing.