My submission to the new magazine, which is written, edited and printed within 48 hours, was not brief. Though it didn't make it into the print edition (tear), and is not the polished piece of literature I'd generally like to share due to Longshot's 24 hour submission deadline, I figured 'why deprive the world of these 1000 words related to the issue's theme: COMEBACK.' And so, here it is--just as it was submitted to Longshot.
And P.S. Please do be sure to support Longshot. Find Issue 1 here.
COMEBACK : 3 entries found
Come.back.
1. : A sharp retort.
Derek lacked the social graces that get most people through their daily exposure to other humans. If someone, for instance, was in an elevator with Derek and felt compelled by the silence to ask him ‘how’s the weather today?’ Derek might respond ‘You were just outside. Did you exit the building in a giant, weatherproof bubble or are you just an idiot?” Derek didn’t understand the point of small talk or niceties. He didn’t get that telling someone she looked nice wasn’t just a reiteration of what “she should have been able to see herself if she owned a mirror,” but one of those ‘things’ you say to people who expect you, from time to time, to say something pleasant and uplifting. And so it was that Derek remained, more often than not, single.
In the Spring of the same year that Derek had spent the entire Winter reading ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ in the hopes of maintaining a relationship for more than a single evening, Derek met a woman. Veronica was lovely and patient and had recently lowered her standards. And Derek, fresh off his read and smitten with Veronica’s shapely physique, thought he might apply his new understanding of women and court her.
“I like you,” he told her one day, though he could not imagine that his constant efforts to undo her blouse had not indicated just that many times over. And Veronica, so impressed by Derek’s expression of sentiment, became prematurely excited and replied, “I like you too Derek. I like you so, so much. Your dark eyes. Your brooding expression. Your non-ironic undertaking of the emo lifestyle. Do you mean that you might be interested in taking things between us a step further?” For which Derek was not prepared with an answer from his recent read.
“Next step? I don’t understand. Is that code in Venus for taking our clothes off and moving to the bedroom? That would be great as I’ve got dinner plans at 8 and am on a bit of a tight schedule.”
To which Veronica had absolutely nothing to say. But then she did.
“Goodbye, Derek. And, in case you’re unclear, in Venus, ‘goodbye’ is code for ‘you need serious counseling and to revisit childhood trauma that has made you the totally insane, detached and sad man you are today.’”
